peace vs. comfort

I was recently thinking about peace and comfort. Both physically feel the same, but spout from very different circumstances. Peace is knowing that everything is settled, exactly how it is supposed to be. The whole world is at ease and it seems as though everything is just right. Comfort feels settling simply because it is known, familiar. Like peace, you are at ease in comfort, but comfort chokes our ability to grow, learn, and ultimately reach the true inner peace that comes with acknowledging and completing God's will. 

all my friends (and really anyone that talks to me) must really hate me right now. All I've been thinking about, talking about, and obsessing over is architecture. It's causing me to worry so much and causing me to ask myself so many questions. Do I want to be an architect? Why the heck did I choose this major? Is all of this work worth it? I'm absolutely sure many people have stumbled across these same questions. let's face it, architecture is a lot harder than I could have anticipated. And it's only the beginning of my sophomore year. 

I realize that I have a choice here, stay in architecture and suck it up, or change out and be a quitter. I find myself asking countless people if I should stay in architecture, just hoping they'd tell me that it was ok to change majors, that it wasn't quitting. I guess that's just what I'm looking for from God, my family, friends, anyone. It'd be so much easier if someone just told me "no kat, you aren't meant to make 25 models of folded paper until 3 in the morning." But it's not that easy. It's never that easy. And maybe that's why I need to stay in architecture, because it's not easy for a reason.

I don't think I'm strong enough to make it through this architecture education and honestly I've never seen myself as an architect. But then again, countless people before me made it out alright I guess. And shouldn't I trust that God put me here for a reason? Is even considering changing majors wrong? I should quiet the little monster that is screaming in my ear telling me that all this hard work will lead to unhappiness... But is that little monster screaming because the hard work isn't worth it, or because he's suddenly uncomfortable in this difficult environment? And that dear readers, takes time and discernment. 

So now I'm off to think and pray more, to search for that inner peace that comes from knowing that I'm really doing Gods will. but for the present moment I have a few models to do for tomorrow. 

I just don't have any motivation to do it. 

I literally can't bring myself to it.

laziness? or unhappiness?

whatever the case, I still have a ton of work to do.

ohhhh lordy.