jumping

“How does one become a butterfly?" she asked. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

one week left? no...

I'm going to miss seeing lake hartwell this summer. it's only a few months I know... 

Somehow I don't seem to grasp the urgency needed in regards to preparation for upcoming exams, a paper, and a final portfolio. I've tried multiple times, but after spending an insanely inhuman amount of time in the studio last week, I'm burnt out. I'm done. I can't concentrate, and consequently, I can't study worth a lick. Dearest readers, what will I do!? I'm lacking all motivation and all I want to do is stalk myself on facebook just so I can reminisce on this past year. How did it fly by so quickly!? I'm pretty sure all of my friends are tired of me getting all emotional talking about our last week of freshman year, but I just can't help it. This year has been the best of my entire life, and I'm so grateful for the opportunities and friends God has placed in my life. God sure knew what He was doing when He lead me to randomly apply to Clemson (of course He did... I always forget to trust and realize that His plan is 100% perfect). As I was riding in the bed of my friends truck today, I just looked up at the sky and let the wind blow through my hair. I felt completely intoxicated by life and it's grandness. It's crazy the blinders we place on ourselves sometimes. Then you stop to look at the big picture or even the small beautiful things like wind in your hair and just realize how narrowly focused we've been on something so insignificant. At the end of the day, we ultimately know in our souls that life is good, no matter where it has lead us. 

So goodbye freshman year, you've been awfully fun. You've given me many good things like good friends, independence, and a new defined work ethic (thank you studio). You've also given me a few not so good things like a few extra pounds, distance from my family, and a new found sense of partying. But ultimately, life is very very good. I will look back on you very fondly always. Thanks for continuing my journey of self-discovery but still helping me prepare myself for the future,  for giving me self-reliance but still teaching me the importance of trusting God and others, and for teaching me the importance of getting an education but not just a degree. It's been a hell of a run, and I wouldn't trade these memories for the world. 

So here's to changes.

because my life is so much better all because of one big change, the best decision of my life. and even though it's been hard at times, it's definitely been worth it. 

contemplation

I cannot say I have control of my mind.

My thoughts aimlessly wander

without a map, as they please

I wish I could gain control,

could wrangle the very thoughts 

that mark my existence.

Things change so suddenly,

yet only temporarily.

Such a small moment

can change a lifetime.

And then sink back into insignificance,

returning to be only that small moment,

yet still breaking boundaries of time.

it may reappear in our minds as a thought 

Back for a second wind to conquer 

And take a hold of our consciousness

These thoughts excite me

Pumping life through these veins

Thoughts of thoughts

That have yet to come.

Thoughts of a first year architecture student

welcome to lee hall dear readers

last night in studio I wrote a poem. I was stuck there anyway because of my project but the rain outside sealed the deal. I have to admit the quiet rustling of the trees against the window panes combined with the occasional loud clap of thunder, pitter patter of rain, and rain-themed songs (compliments of youtube) all made for a nice working environment. Anyway, here's that poem my friends. enjoy

People always ask...

where are you going

at all times of the day?

why does it seem like

you're always away?

The studio calls

my project awaits

drawings, sketches, drafts

and models to make

Planning for sleep?

oh, you're quite funny

you'll work through the night

all for no money

You know you'll be up

to watch the sunrise

Fourth year's always say,

"you'd get out if you were wise"

But you don't heed their warnings,

you keep with the daily grind

besides losing sleep

you might also lose your mind

Despite these complaints

I guess it's not too bad

just try to get out sometimes

or else you'll go mad

give your best and nothing less

cause doing what you've never done

will be the cause of your success

thoughts on decisions

"Trust yourself. If you do not, then you will forever be looking to others to prove your own merit to you, and you will never be satisfied. You will always be asking others what to do and at the same time resenting their help. Trust in yourself starts with being ok with the consequences of your decisions"

I was reminiscing back on big decisions I've made in my life and found one thing to be consistent. In each circumstance that I've been confronted with a large decision, I've sought out the help of others and placed a huge amount of significance on their opinion. But looking back on it, none of that matters. For instance, when deciding on which sorority I liked best (and even which college I liked best), I listened to so much of what other people had to say about the different reputations.  Doing so left me feeling as though I'd been dropped into the deep end of a very large pool and was doing summersaults underwater just trying to get to the surface to catch my breath. It was overwhelming. I felt uncomfortable going with my inner feelings and against the opinions of others, but I am so glad I trusted myself. So here's to trusting ourselves and the lord, because great things can happen when we do.

have a spectacular week my friends!

weird. feelin. time.

dear little monster inside myself,
please stop taking refuge in the back of my throat, the bottom of my stomach, or the inside of my heart. There simply is not room for you here. I don't feel like trying to get answers from you, so please just tell me your secrets and I'll leave you alone.
thank you.
sincerely,
your human