prayer of St. Ephrem

Lord and Master of my life, 

do not give me a spirit of laziness or of idle curiosity, 

of ambition or empty talk.

Instead, grant me, your servant, a spirit of self-control and humility,

of patience and love.

Yes, Lord and King, enable me to see my own failings,

and not to judge my brother or sister, 

for you are blessed unto the ages of ages.

Amen.

wow

caution dearest readers, I'm about to open up big big.

This past semester and some of this one was spent in a sort of funk. I felt lost and insecure. unsure about where I belonged and what my purpose on this earth is. I felt like I had lost my positive happy-go-lucky self, changed for the worse. It's crazy how those low moods will completely shut off our hope for the rest of life. Those low moods are completely natural; however, we can't let them trick us into thinking that life is all bad all the time. It's hard to back up and see the big picture when we're so bogged down by the details. 

and when I say the details, I mean usually, the things that don't matter all that much.

then it struck me, life is still beautiful during these low points simply because there is no where but up to go. The potential for good things to happen is at it's greatest. We must be patient and productively endure the suffering that these low moods cause. They are there for a purpose, to help us grow and evolve. While I'm a huge believer that happiness is a choice, I also believe that you can't just "snap" out of a low mood. It takes time, it takes a renovation of thoughts, it takes prayer, it takes positive energy, it takes self contemplation. it takes meta-cognition; consciously thinking about what you spend most of your thinking on. 

lately i've been trying to fix the problems that I've made up in my own head. I've been trying to think about constantly thinking positively. Trying to focus more on others. And dearest readers I've felt something different. I feel like I can think and live deeper now. I feel like I'm about to start another phase of my life, hit something big. but who knows... I suppose only God does. but I feel as though He might have something wonderful up his sleeve. I'm feeling hopeful. fingers crossed

So that's the page that my thoughts were on this morning when I logged onto facebook. I had a notification from this little application I had downloaded a long while ago that sends "messages from God". While I don't believe it's actually God I do like to read the inspiring little quotes and apply them to my life.Today it hit home, real real hard. 

This is what I read when I opened it today:

there is a meaning to all this.

No one can see beyond the horizon of their own lives. We are threads in the great tapestry of time. Have faith. 

Every stitch has a reason.

wow.

song of the hour

"and we're all the same, under a different name. we're all blood brothers"

sincere to your intrinsic being

solitude. 

our world has become so opposed to the idea of being alone. After contemplating it with one of my friends, I realized that there is a huge difference in being alone and being lonely. Our world is overcome with communication. There is always an opportunity for streaming contact with other individuals. With this constant communication comes constant influence from other people, good or bad. Therefore, being alone seems to have transitioned from a subconscious reality to a conscious effort. I'd say it's become quite as much of a necessity as food, water, and shelter in our over-complicated lifestyles. Without this time alone, one cannot be truly sincere to the identity they've been chosen to assume. Only in complete solidarity can one be completely true to themselves. With the appropriate amount of solidarity, one can further discover and strengthen their ideals so that they can go back and be in the world but not of the world.

maintaining this independence despite our subconscious submission to the ideals around us must take a more waking decision dearest readers. 

solitude, think about it.

sunday mash up of thoughts

" Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.  But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.  15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.  But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

James 3:13

the kat's pajamas

if you want to know what I'm doing with my life in studio, visit my architecture blog. It's not much now but we will be required to update it 3 times a week. once the projects start to get more intense it should be more interesting (or at least I like to think so). There's a link to it over to the right under the "architecture blog" page. 

so check it out dearest readers, it's the kat's pajamas. 

Thankful.

Today off the top of my head, I'm thankful for my beautiful school, tacos, having lots of friends, my warm bed (that I can't seem to get out of right now), my parents and siblings, and travelling. 

what are you thankful for today dearest readers?

have an awesome thursday!

xoxo

let the games begin

this semester is going to be an uphill battle...

Here comes (supposedly) the hardest semester of my life. the most challenging lies ahead and dearest readers, I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't a little apprehensive. 

so here's to another semester, I truly believe the best is yet to come!

{thankful}

outside the architecture school, so thankful to live in such a beautiful place

With the start of the new year, I've gone a little overboard on the resolution making. One of those however, was to be more thankful. Therefore, I hope to list and therefore remind myself frequently of just why I am so lucky... here it goes

things I'm thankful for this week:

1. Family- so cliche I know but I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with them this break... that and I wouldn't be the person I am without them. I feel so blessed to be part of such a strong family.
2. That I have genuine friends
3. good food- I've been liking louisiana food a little too much this break if ya know what I mean
4. electricity
5. clemson
6. education
7. art and beautiful things
8. all the opportunities i've been given

I stopped on number 8 because I don't have much time right now and 8 is a lucky number in china (fun fact- that's why the Beijing Olympics started on 8.8.08 at 8) I know this is such a basic list of things to be thankful for but it's what came to mind for this week... 

I leave for Clemson on Sunday dearest readers, praise the lord for the opportunities I've been given!