last day of work {for a while}

 "Look for yourself and you will find lonliness and despair. Look for Christ and you will find Him and everything else" --C.S. Lewis

new summer new skills

my computer as of late

I have this thing, dear readers, where if I'm not learning something new, I grow far too stagnant in my life and soon become mildly depressed. I like to keep things changing and fresh, exciting. So this summer, as I continued along with the mundane details of everyday life back at home, I've finally found rescue in web-design. web design. my friends, I'm growing into the biggest nerd. Learning the ins and outs of html and css to possibly create something beautiful? (or horrendous..) the possibilities are just endless. I think our brains operate and think in different levels or maybe in different languages. Right now mine is thinking in the language of html tags. I remember after a night of staying up until 10... am... laser cutting all night, I walked home and thought of modeling every building I saw with the laser cutter. The same concept applies when you play music a while then soon everything has a rhythm, a beat, a unique identity... 

but as I spend consecutive hours in the office struggling (and sometimes succeeding) with coding, that got me to thinking. kind of a lot actually. You see when making a website, every single attribute to the website is accounted for in the html or css document. If it's off by even a wrong space, the web page looks distorted and turns out slightly horrendous, nothing as you had anticipated. You see there is a code for every form and function and everything has a specific purpose. If the code is wrong, the webpage is lifeless. Maybe that's how life is, dear readers. We were all programmed to do a certain thing. When we live our life as we are willed, or just do what we were born to do, the result is as beautiful as a well designed operating website. Everything is cohesive, works out just right. When we try to alter our programming, all too soon we realize the results are soooo wrong. It just doesn't look/feel/seem right, because the coding is wrong.

Can you imagine a world where everyone did what they were born to do?

 makes me get big big goosebumps.

I'm aware that my mind works in strange ways, and I might be the biggest nerd ever... and my little brother told me yesterday I was the uncool one in the family. At first I was offended but then again maybe I was born to be that uncool big sis? I think I'll take it.

best wishes to a fabulous rest of your week my friends, it's wednesday... gotta keep on keepin on!

maybe a crucial part of our existence is the crisis of identity

"I need to organize my life", she said multiple times throughout her existence. She had lost all creative drive in her life despite creating ads, flyers, and even a website. She felt as if she could gain it back once she had completed everything on her to do list. Yet, she still looked on wearily at her endless summer list, the fruit of hopeless dreaming and longing for the freedom of summer during the dreaded days of the forgotten semester. Everyday seemed the same. She had forgotten the feeling of potential. Just as newton had said that bodies in motion would stay in motion, and bodies at rest would stay at rest, she found herself somewhere between motion and rest in an unchanging scenario each day. Her focus shifted, and somewhere in there the excitement, the potential died. She was a shell of her previous self, and found no contentment in the things that used to pique her interest. Unpainted canvases remained unpainted and the words in her mind retreated so quietly that she only realized they were gone when she tried to call upon them. She felt betrayed that they had left her, but had she left them first? Her written voice had failed. Only until then did she realize the flame, her vibrant colouring, had somehow vanished. She now operated as a robot and noted that the reason she felt empty was because maybe she wasn't truly living.

no complaints here

Today as I was grabbing a bite to eat in the dining hall, I overheard one of the workers say, "These kids don't know how good they've got it" After thinking.. omggg wuttt this food is not that good at all, I caught myself and realized just how much truth there is in that simple statement. We complain so much. We complain about the weather, the work load we have, the way our hair falls, our circumstances, what we had for breakfast, the things we own. And here I am complaining about how much we complain... it's a vicious cycle dearest reader. One that leaves us and every facet of our lives feeling very, very inadequate. I mean.. is this it?

we can't let the negativity choke us into miserable submission, can't just go through the motions of life and then turn right around only to complain about it. Life may be hard, but complaining about it only weighs us down and makes us perceive life as 10 times worse than it is. positive thoughts, here we go. 

just some food for thought when I was only trying to get some food for nurishment.

life's too short to not be awesome (we can't forget), and hey we really do have it pretty good don't we? 

7 days until my final architecture review.

7 days until this challenging semester is over

7 days.

no complaints.

after thoughts

Dearest readers, I come to you today with a happy heart and a clear mind. I suppose that's easy to do after a week off of real life (thank you spring break!) and with possibly the most wonderful people in my life. I'm so so so so so thankful for those people. they rock a lot a lot. 

The week before spring break was definitely the hardest of my life. I'd never ever ever ever worked so hard.  I ended the week beaten and very, very tired. But amiss this horrendous week where I slept maybe a full night through the whole week (I know exaggerating runs in my family but this is a hardcore truth for real my friends) I came across some pretty cool thoughts. without the sleep, I was able to access a part of my brain that had grown obsolete. I'd become a space cadet in my own life and all of a sudden a switch was turned on and light flooded my eyes with observations of the outside world. I probably looked/sounded like a crazy woman to all of my friends after being that sleep deprived. My eyes were seeing weird things, and strange thoughts ruled my mind. 

I had trouble sleeping the first night of spring break since my body had grown accustomed to constant waking. As I fell asleep, I would lucid dream that there was a full string quartet in my room playing wagon wheel and that I could hear, I could feel every note so perfectly. I was one with the song and it was quickly taking me away. then I requested that the band play their favorite song. This resulted in a beautiful rendition of "you raise me up" that was quite jazzy and very unique. Then all of a sudden a slight fuzziness started like when you're listening to the radio and you change cities on a road trip. Pretty soon the music disappeared and was replaced with the sound of the ocean. Then I was being taken in by the crashing waves, floating out to sea with the tides. I was still awake while all of this happened but couldn't bring myself to actually wake up. finally I regained control of my mind and woke up. This continued on until finally I reached a peaceful place of much needed, uninterrupted sleep. and was it wonderful dearest friends! 

In the end, I suppose I gained a lot from that week of insanity. I'm incredibly content with my life and can't wait for the adventures God has in store for me. Maybe right now I'm meant to spend countless hours in studio, and while it makes me hate school and be sad about life sometimes (see last post)  it sure has changed my work ethic at least ;) I'm grateful for this struggle, it forces me to have complete reliance on God and appreciate everything, everyone so much more. I know this is terribly mushy, but I feel so blessed! (crazy how different this post sounds in comparison to the last..) 

so this week my friends, try to offer your struggles to God. He's waiting for ya.

Life is pretty awesome when ya think about it, have a stellar week my friends you all deserve it!!!!!! 

dreams vs. nightmares

I have the strangest dreams. I should start writing them on here every morning (hmm). They are so realistic and immensely intriguing. The other night I had a dream that there were no more phones, computers, TV's, or other electronics. but it wasn't a nightmare. What is it that causes a nightmare, dearest readers?
Is it not our reaction that makes it a nightmare? How we feel about the actuality of the dream?

I think this is true for life too. it can either be a dream, or a nightmare. it all just depends on how you let it make you feel.

I really shouldn't blog when i'm in studio at 4:30 am...

little observations

Dearest readers, we must constantly remind ourselves to always remember that the best trait in any human is selflessness. with selflessness, individuals are the most happy, and tend to make others just as happy too. 

peaceful morning lake hartwell, the perfect place for thoughts

Sunny selfies

Days like today were made to sit out on bowman field and enjoy life. Peace and blessins my friends

Charleston, I think I love you.

I've been to charleston before; however, I never really got to explore the city. This weekend we went to Greenville (also the cutest city ever) and then Charleston for architecture class.  I love it. love love love it. Definitely one of my favorite places I've been. So thankful for the opportunities I've been given. I guess even architecture has it's ups..

how awesome would it be if everyone decided to be awesome

prayer of St. Ephrem

Lord and Master of my life, 

do not give me a spirit of laziness or of idle curiosity, 

of ambition or empty talk.

Instead, grant me, your servant, a spirit of self-control and humility,

of patience and love.

Yes, Lord and King, enable me to see my own failings,

and not to judge my brother or sister, 

for you are blessed unto the ages of ages.

Amen.

wow

caution dearest readers, I'm about to open up big big.

This past semester and some of this one was spent in a sort of funk. I felt lost and insecure. unsure about where I belonged and what my purpose on this earth is. I felt like I had lost my positive happy-go-lucky self, changed for the worse. It's crazy how those low moods will completely shut off our hope for the rest of life. Those low moods are completely natural; however, we can't let them trick us into thinking that life is all bad all the time. It's hard to back up and see the big picture when we're so bogged down by the details. 

and when I say the details, I mean usually, the things that don't matter all that much.

then it struck me, life is still beautiful during these low points simply because there is no where but up to go. The potential for good things to happen is at it's greatest. We must be patient and productively endure the suffering that these low moods cause. They are there for a purpose, to help us grow and evolve. While I'm a huge believer that happiness is a choice, I also believe that you can't just "snap" out of a low mood. It takes time, it takes a renovation of thoughts, it takes prayer, it takes positive energy, it takes self contemplation. it takes meta-cognition; consciously thinking about what you spend most of your thinking on. 

lately i've been trying to fix the problems that I've made up in my own head. I've been trying to think about constantly thinking positively. Trying to focus more on others. And dearest readers I've felt something different. I feel like I can think and live deeper now. I feel like I'm about to start another phase of my life, hit something big. but who knows... I suppose only God does. but I feel as though He might have something wonderful up his sleeve. I'm feeling hopeful. fingers crossed

So that's the page that my thoughts were on this morning when I logged onto facebook. I had a notification from this little application I had downloaded a long while ago that sends "messages from God". While I don't believe it's actually God I do like to read the inspiring little quotes and apply them to my life.Today it hit home, real real hard. 

This is what I read when I opened it today:

there is a meaning to all this.

No one can see beyond the horizon of their own lives. We are threads in the great tapestry of time. Have faith. 

Every stitch has a reason.

wow.

song of the hour

"and we're all the same, under a different name. we're all blood brothers"

sincere to your intrinsic being

solitude. 

our world has become so opposed to the idea of being alone. After contemplating it with one of my friends, I realized that there is a huge difference in being alone and being lonely. Our world is overcome with communication. There is always an opportunity for streaming contact with other individuals. With this constant communication comes constant influence from other people, good or bad. Therefore, being alone seems to have transitioned from a subconscious reality to a conscious effort. I'd say it's become quite as much of a necessity as food, water, and shelter in our over-complicated lifestyles. Without this time alone, one cannot be truly sincere to the identity they've been chosen to assume. Only in complete solidarity can one be completely true to themselves. With the appropriate amount of solidarity, one can further discover and strengthen their ideals so that they can go back and be in the world but not of the world.

maintaining this independence despite our subconscious submission to the ideals around us must take a more waking decision dearest readers. 

solitude, think about it.

sunday mash up of thoughts

" Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.  But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.  15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.  But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

James 3:13

the kat's pajamas

if you want to know what I'm doing with my life in studio, visit my architecture blog. It's not much now but we will be required to update it 3 times a week. once the projects start to get more intense it should be more interesting (or at least I like to think so). There's a link to it over to the right under the "architecture blog" page. 

so check it out dearest readers, it's the kat's pajamas. 

Thankful.

Today off the top of my head, I'm thankful for my beautiful school, tacos, having lots of friends, my warm bed (that I can't seem to get out of right now), my parents and siblings, and travelling. 

what are you thankful for today dearest readers?

have an awesome thursday!

xoxo

let the games begin

this semester is going to be an uphill battle...

Here comes (supposedly) the hardest semester of my life. the most challenging lies ahead and dearest readers, I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't a little apprehensive. 

so here's to another semester, I truly believe the best is yet to come!

{thankful}

outside the architecture school, so thankful to live in such a beautiful place

With the start of the new year, I've gone a little overboard on the resolution making. One of those however, was to be more thankful. Therefore, I hope to list and therefore remind myself frequently of just why I am so lucky... here it goes

things I'm thankful for this week:

1. Family- so cliche I know but I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with them this break... that and I wouldn't be the person I am without them. I feel so blessed to be part of such a strong family.
2. That I have genuine friends
3. good food- I've been liking louisiana food a little too much this break if ya know what I mean
4. electricity
5. clemson
6. education
7. art and beautiful things
8. all the opportunities i've been given

I stopped on number 8 because I don't have much time right now and 8 is a lucky number in china (fun fact- that's why the Beijing Olympics started on 8.8.08 at 8) I know this is such a basic list of things to be thankful for but it's what came to mind for this week... 

I leave for Clemson on Sunday dearest readers, praise the lord for the opportunities I've been given!