rock me momma

This song makes my heart melt. Anytime I'm in a low mood, this song lifts me higher than a 10 story building. it's that good.

my thoughts on awkwardness

I am so awkward.

Everyone has it, everyone hates it. 

I've found through my measly 18 and a half years of existence that the awkward moment is hard to avoid. When you can come to terms with this, life is so much better. Lately, I've seemed to forget that I am indeed an average human and that I am not perfect. I was getting frustrated with myself when I would say something I found wrong or just plain awkward. But then I remember...awkward is a mental state. My roommate so cleverly pointed out that we often find ourselves in awkward situations, but that doesn't make you awkward. So I clung to this idea like a lifeboat in a drowning sea. 

Lately I've just felt like an awkward human. What can I say... maybe I am. 

Even writing doesn't feel natural this week for some reason.

I just feel like a big robot. that. is. so. darn. awkward.

So my goal for the week is to embrace my awkwardness. I will confront it by remembering that I'm comfortable in my own skin (and in my weirdness). sometimes we just need to be reminded of this. Because, once again, awkward is only a mental state that we make for ourselves. When I rely on God for strength and confidence, I find myself feeling oodles and bunches less awk. Simply put, when you are comfortable in your own skin, you glow with a beauty unlike any other. a true attractiveness that is understood , unmatched, and uncompromised.

peace and blessings my children

{insert awkward silence}

tigers

I'm loving that both of my tigers are winning right now. There's nothing more exciting than a college football game. The tailgating, the food, the friends, and the fuuuuuuuuuuuuun. I have oodles and oodles of good memories such as watching grown men play "little sally walker", observing over-served individuals, eating way too much food, dancing like nobody's watching at a tailgate, visiting with friends (or meeting new friends!), and singing along to both the tiger bands play "eye of the tiger". it's just an all around good thing that I've enjoyed for the majority of my life. And now with Clemson as #7 and LSU as #1, I couldn't be happier. needless to say, today is going to be an exciting day with LSU playing Auburn and Clemson playing UNC. 

When I was back home last weekend and we were awaiting the BCS rankings, I kept confusing people because I would refer to both LSU and Clemson as "we". For example, I would say, "So do you think we will be ranked number 1!?" and they would respond, "no you won't be that high up, probably around 7 or 8"

gosh. so confusing.

regardless,

 go {or geaux} tigers

my head hurts

and for the first time since I've been at Clemson, I don't feel like talking to people or being friendly at all. WHAT IS THIS!? I feel so awkward. I need to sleep or something. then maybe my headache will go away. and I'll stop longing for the life of a hermit. 

alright already we all float on

Right now I'm wishing 

I could be floating down a river 

on my kayak

finding an adventure

You see dear readers, I love love love to kayak. It all started back in kindergarten. I remember asking my mother repeatedly for a kayak (and for a guitar...but that's a different story). Obviously, she refused such a large and odd request from my 5 year old self thinking it would eventually die down like the rest of my random obsessions. but she didn't know just how determined I was to get a kayak. A few years passed with no kayak, but that all changed when the 4th grade rolled around. I saved up all my birthday money and convinced my mom that I was ready to take the leap: I bought a $60 inflatable kayak. After proving my determination and commitment to kayaking through this flotation device that you could hardly call a boat, my parents finally agreed to let me purchase a real one. After some research and mustering up every spare penny I had earned, I finally paid for half of my very own kayak while my parents bought the other half for my birthday. It was a grand day my friends.

While this 'yak saw little to no use in my middle school years,  I was out and about with friends all the time once I dawned on my driving years. It's just so fun to hang out on a lake or river. And while my friend patrick might think he started the kayaking trend in baton rouge with his two-seater yellow ocean kayak, it was definitely me. (while we both like to claim it, we more than likely didn't actually start it...I guess the world will never know. but we'll just keep pretending like we do) it's even fun just riding around town with a kayak on the car. it just makes you feel more legit.

We used to pile as many people as we could into the car with as many kayaks/canoes/inflatable kayaks tied down to the top. It was quite a sight to see. Then we would proceed to pile all of us into these boats. Lots and lots of fun. Most of these trips were high on the fun scale and small on the intensity scale (hate to say it but that's when the boy ratio > girl ratio). Needless to say, I'm ready to find some legitimate kayaking here at Clemson someday, rather than just a social outing with a change of scenery. 

I look back on those kayaking trips and remember the sunshine, the open water, the freedom, and the love. The love that i felt from each of my friends and the love that we all shared for our favorite pastime. I will never forget how awesome it felt to go for a run early early in the morning and then finish it off by paddling to the middle of the lake and enjoying homemade biscuits and watching the sunrise. a kodak moment for sure.

There's really nothing better than kayaking with good friends. except one thing. it's almost as good as riding around town with your best friends with the windows down and the music up. 

to read about the only kayaking adventure that I've recorded on this blog, click HERE.

dancing when the stars go blue

Shagging is a popular dance here at Clemson. It's basically like a type of swing dance. Like any guy-girl dance, the guy leads while the girl follows along. The girl has to give up control, go with the flow, and follow the guy's lead. While Clemson taught me to physically dance the shag (kind of...), Clemson has also taught me to dance through life in general. Jumping out of my comfort zone and coming to Clemson gave me the opportunity to begin to discover myself. I thought that I would come here and have more control over my life for the most part since I was calling the shots for myself. It isn't that way at all. Rather, it's taught me to let go, lose control, and follow God's lead. I've learned to go with the flow even more and enjoy the ride of life.

So thank you Clemson, for teaching me to dance. 

the roomie

Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing the one, the only, LJ COOL J! only the coolest roommate around. Whether it be listening to Dolly or educating me on the latest goals of the republican party, Lauren is definitely a unique human and I am fortunate to call her my roommate. Leaving her for this fall break has shown me how much I really do miss her! While we definitely are two completely different people, we couldn't be getting along any better. I'm so fortunate to have lucked out like I have. Our differences compliment each other and make life that much more interesting. There is literally too much awesome in that dorm... hahaha oh man...but for real, LJ is so smart, so pretty, and one of the nicest people ever. She jokingly picks at me for being so strange, but hey I do the same to her! (come on, she wears christmas socks... but then again, I wear joverall jresses around the dorm..) 

yeah, it seems to be working out just perfectly for both of us.

plus she loves Christmas. You know someone is a good person when they love Christmas.

She loves Christmas and me so much that she started a blog about us. 

(she's my stalker now...HELP.)

just kidding my friends, I am flattered that she wants to write about me. 

You can check it out here:

www.christmaswithkrazykat.blogspot.com

hope you all had a wonderful weekend and wonderful people in your life! 

my thoughts on happiness.

what's happier than that!? an angel baby with sunshine pouring down. too sweet

I only recently mustered up the courage to tell people about this here blog. It is scary to show people my vulnerable thoughts and feelings, and I fear the rejection of others. While I've always been the uncool kid (you can read about that here), I've also realized that I am not always comfortable in my own identity like I appear to be. But then again, who is!? For the most part, I'm proud of my "off the beaten path" -ness. but there are some days when I just tear myself up or try to change. I generally don't care what people think at all, but I'm still learning this lesson more and more with each passing day. I'm getting better...which is why I now have enough courage to share this blog. it's still  crazy scary. but then, I just figured it's their loss if they don't like it! So I told a few of my new awesome church friends (good lord yes! good church friends!! hahaha) about my blog... After perusing through some posts, my friend meg asked me,  "How are you so joyful?" So I mulled over that question for a while. 

hmmmmm What is joy? where can we find it? and why does everyone want it?

many different answers to these questions are thrown at us everyday. I decided to compile a list of reasons for joy. more specifically, a list of how I maintain joy in my own everyday life. I know it's cliche and definitely all stuff we've all heard before, but it's on my mind so here it goes. 

1. it's a choice. My mom always told me that joy was a choice. She said that everyday you wake up, you have a decision: happy or sad. While I absolutely hated this little statement when I was in a bad mood on the way to middle school, it rocks. I only hated it cause I knew it was true deep down.

2. it's about pumping the brakes. People are often so close to joy, and all they need is literally a "renovation of thoughts" (like in this post). When you slow down and take time to smell the roses and spend some personal time alone, you literally enjoy life more. Admittedly, this is a hard one for me.

3. it's training your thoughts. Sometimes you just think rotten thoughts. We all do it. You can't let this little monster inside of you tangle your emotions and trick you into thinking these things! First you must acknowledge these bad thoughts, then you must annihilate them like nobody's business. Become aware of these thoughts. stop them in their tracks, rewind them, and remake them into something beautiful. Remember that everything has a flip side.

the little girl I babysit with one of her "pets"

4. it's the little things. sisters to make you laugh, ella dressing herself, robert playing the piano, spontaneous dance parties, grannie's cooking, cookie break in the dining hall, morning runs, freshly shaved legs, pretty jewelry, awesome friends, early morning kayaking to watch the sunrise, homemade christmas decorations, random songwriting sessions, Eucharistic adoration, or meeting new people. simply put, when you cherish the awesome inside of these small things, you realize just how awesome the big things are. A good practice for helping you realize these gifts is to journal about it each day or even just make lists.

5. it's about going with the flow. don't let little issues or hardships hold you hostage. they are a waste of time and the best at stealing your joy. I sometimes get caught up in these pointless things of little importance only to realize how much time I had wasted and how much joy I had shut out from my life. kick back, relax, and don't worry yourself with small problems. Usually they will blow over and not mean anything after a short time

my younger sister annie. she always knew how to make me smile. hilda and greta

6. it's a smile. Anything from a simple smile or to saying hello to someone in the dining hall will do. It'll make you feel good for uplifting others, and it will make you not focus on your own lack of joy. By trying to give others joy, you will subconsciously receive some for yourself.

7. it's about faking it until you make it. From someone who wears her emotions on her sleeve but tries to constantly deny them and/or hide them, sometimes you just feel like you simply cannot be joyful. These are the days when you just have to fake it. Eventually, the happiness will turn true and seep into your every pore without you even realizing it. But when faking it is just hard, revert to number 2, but not for too long.

8. it's being thankful. when you are grateful, everything is an awesome gift to be cherished. Who couldn't be happy with an awesome gift!? Everything becomes the best of the best.

9. it's all about Jesus! Jesus wants you to be happy. When you do everything for the glory of God, you realize that it never really was about you. So often our unhappiness is rooted in selfishness. When we only think about ourselves and our problems, it's impossible to be happy! We must ask Jesus to help us in our quest for a happy life. In "Heaven Speaks to Young Adults" one of my favorite little books to have lying around, Jesus says the following about happiness:

 "As a follower of Jesus Christ the Returning King, you are entitled to joy. ... If you are not joyful, you are spending too much time on worldly thinking. Think in terms of heaven and you will feel joy. Should a soul who is surrounded by angels be dismayed? Should a soul who walks in the constant presence of Jesus Christ be sad and fearful? My loving smile is in your soul. I hold only good wishes for you. ...Sit peacefully now in this moment and allow me to calm you. I send My strength into your soul. I send you great trust in Me and in My presence. I am with you right now. ... I do not leave My friends when troubles come. Rather I give more graces. ... I am the only true security. Rely on me and you will find that your anxiety begins to diminish. Soon it will disappear because I will take it away. Ask Me for this. And then trust Me. Many great saints spent their lives working on trust. you will get better and better at trusting Me through practice. And your fears will get smaller and smaller. Those who live in unity with Me are at peace. The world cannot touch them because their sights are set on the next world, their true home, which is heaven." 

It's such a long passage but truly so comforting. It really is all about Jesus, my friends!! Faith is kind of like the roux (for all my new clemson friends, if you aren't sure of what that is-- check it out here). In a gumbo, it doesn't matter how good of ingredients you have or how awesome your recipe may be if your roux isn't good. It's the base. It's the first and very imperative step to succeed in the gumbo. You see dear readers, you can follow any number of these recipes for joy. but without Jesus as your roux or base, it will be much more difficult to succeed in your endeavors for joy. And you can take that to the bank. 

susan's bike. just cause this picture makes me happy.

I know these are all things that are wayyyyy easier said than done, but prayer is a powerful tool! "Ask and you shall receive"... I know that prayer is also a hard thing to do. But they go hand in hand. Work at it, and God will provide. I went through a rough time where I felt as if all my joy was 100% fake. looking back, it probably was because I had little to no relationship with Jesus. Sounds silly, but it's so true!

Sorry if this post got too long/religious on you my dear friends! There is so much in my brain that I feel like I'm not even doing my thoughts justice. but I like to keep my posts very light-hearted and not so cliche (I'm aware that I'm not succeeding this time...) these were just some thoughts I had to express. 

have a joyous day my friends! and if you aren't, simply ask Jesus if you can borrow his smile! 

if only they gave an award for that...

Lo Jo's christmas socks.

If they gave an award for thinking up creative ways to procrastinate your time away, I would have a shelf's worth of trophies to display. You see, I've literally spent half the afternoon (or all of the afternoon) chillaxin' on the futon and doing random things. Surprisingly, none of this included playing guitar because I accidentally broke it... but no worries I'll have it replaced in no time at all! But seriously, is it really this late in the day?? I thought I just got out of class...Where did all the time go!? 

on the other hand, if they gave awards for the individual with the most Christmas paraphernalia or even with the most Christmas spirit, my roommate LJcoolJ would definitely have that in the bag. We already have christmas signs on our door, she occasionally plays dolly parton christmas music, and is currently wearing Christmas socks. I mean...hey, it's the most wonderful time of the year, right? I can't wait to see what our dorm looks like when Christmas season actually rolls around! (shh don't tell her that I don't consider October 11 to be during Christmas season)

So my adventures tonight include studying oodles and oodles for upcoming tests, but more importantly,  "Catholic dinner" at my church. It's only the third time I've been, but still I am super pumped! I'm hoping to get really involved there. I'm just loving church and my new church friends. and loving life in general. whoohooo hey holla!

Have a stellar evening my friends! 

java city, where dreams come true.

momma mia by abba

Today's been a weird weird weird day. I woke up at 6 to go running only to fall back asleep and not wake up until 9:04...for my 9:05 class. I sprinted over to my class, so no worries. I have to say though I've been approximately 3 steps behind the whole day. crazy.. but the good in this is that I got 9 hours of sleep last night. DID YA HEAR!? 9 WHOLE HOURS! it was glorious. 

That being said, the best part of my day today absolutely hands down has to be the music in java city, the coffee shop inside the library. While I sit here puzzled by my looming physics homework, the music quietly comforts whatever this "oops-I-woke-up-late" thing that has plagued my mind today. So today, I'm thankful for the good music taste of Java city. I mean, I walked in and they were playing "Momma Mia" by ABBA. How can you not smile when you hear that song? 

renovating my thoughts.

me sitting by myself in the beautiful weather!

Eons ago on facebook, I accidentally signed up for a silly application titled "God Wants You To Know" where daily messages would appear. I hadn't looked at it in a while because, while they are cute and fun little messages reassuring you of the good in the world, I just found them to be altogether pointless. I don't believe that this is actually God speaking through facebook; however, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. God must have inspired me to check today's message because it hit home better than babe ruth. 

the message read, 

Prayer is when you talk to God. Meditation is when you become quiet and listen to God. You've learned how to talk and ask well. Time to learn how to listen and hear, because God has been answering you.

So now I'm learning how to listen. I'm taking time to spend in solitude with myself to seek God, find peace, and refocus myself. Today marks the first day of this new endeavor. Currently, I am sitting outside in the beautiful amphitheater with the most beautiful weather you've ever seen. I just sat. and admired creation. and tried to listen. It struck me that I hadn't had time to myself and actually enjoyed it since I'd been at Clemson. (I say actually enjoyed it because my suitemates and roommate left this weekend and I was alone...needless to say I roamed the halls to find friends or just hung out with other peeps) So now I'm dedicating myself to listening, and to taking time alone to hear what God wants me to know in my life. 

and plus...I wouldn't have seen a really cool grasshoper had I not had this time of solitude! 

whoop whoop go life! and go jesus!

I want to be a one hit wonder.

I'm not good enough to hit it big, but I have a small glimmer of hope that I could maybe one day have a one time hit single. That would be so ideal. I wouldn't have to worry about crazy paparazzi or stalkers, and I could proceed in living my life as a normal person once my one-time stardom burns out (if i'm even normal in the first place...) 

Just imagine. get your 15 minutes of fame, rock out on a huge stage with lots of people, and then be able to go home at the end of the day without so much as a second thought. 

then continue on to do something else awesome.

cause life's too short not to be.

whoop whoop!

Here's a song I wrote last summer...don't h8. I know it's cheezy. and it doesn't sound very good... but what the hey.

and for kicks and giggles and as an added bonus, here's a vid of me singing a song I posted to my sister's wall. I really do miss that girl.