this is strange

It's been a while.
Life has happened.
Perhaps I'll start blogging again.
someday.

Humanity of Mondays

photo from www.goddaily.tumblr.com

"Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I came not to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mk 2:17)

I constantly (at least every Monday) have to remind myself that this world is a journey, not a destination. That we will fall because we are human.  I have to keep Mondays and rainy days in perspective understanding that the struggle is real because of the reality of humanity. We are broken. We are not perfect. YET there's good news (the best news of all of eternity)... Jesus came so that we can finally achieve that perfection through complete and total union with Him ultimately. C.S. Lewis says it best when he states,“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” We desire this perfection, yet we cannot attain it. We are subject, rather destined to fallen brokenness. 

Oftentimes in my life I've come to fear this brokenness, to hate the vulnerability of being wrong or less than my expectations. Yet, it's intrinsic to our present state, completely unavoidable while we are still in our human form. Ironically enough avoiding this vulnerability at all costs could cost me everything simply because it is in our humble brokenness where we meet Jesus. Jesus did not turn first to the pharisees or the people who regarded themselves highly. He made himself present to the humble, the lowly, the people who knew they needed Him. If I live constantly thriving at my fullest potential then what need would I have of a savior? 

The kingdom of God is a place that begins in the hearts of those who let God in, the hearts of the poor and lowly that rely on their creator. We have to let Jesus fill in our "cracks" and meet us where we are in our brokenness while also imitating Him in the way he loves the ones who offer the least yet need it the most. sometimes we may not even realize that that person is indeed ourselves. 

Here's to a rockin Monday and a stellar week! Let's try to reach out to all those that might need Love and open our own hearts to Him (easier said than done.. .but that's the good thing, Jesus completes our brokenness hey hey!)

Jesus, I trust in You: a rambling of thoughts

The Chaplet of Divine Mercy comes in handy for those times when we are lacking in trust.

Our God is a God of many identities. He's the ultimate Father. The greatest Companion and Fulfiller of all of our deepest desires. The Lover of our souls. He is gracious, merciful, and Love itself.  Some have a skewed vision of our Lord, imagining Him as the supreme Punisher creating rigid rules for the sake of making rules. Others picture Him as Santa Claus, expecting Him to deliver everything on our "lists". Then there's the God that is fluffy, warm, and saved for church on Sunday mornings before a big brunch. The list goes on. As a person in the design field I love to imagine God as the Creator. I love picturing God in "studio" designing each and every life and its implications. But most recently, I've become acquainted with the side of God that loves surprises. 

God has been surprising me all of my life, but the most recent started happening last semester. As the story always goes in my life, I was spending an exorbitant amount of time in studio. For a period of about 3 weeks leading up to final review my daily life consisted of spending whatever time I wasn't in class or eating or (barely) sleeping in studio. I got there early in the morning and didn't leave until early into the next morning only to wake up after a few hours and do it all over again. It was during this time when I started to go to daily mass regularly. I started to long for the re-centering, peaceful time I spent in the little stone chapel off campus. Then God surprised me by laying His real presence in the Eucharist on my heart like a load of bricks. He had used my time of solitude and hard work to glorify Him and I am forever grateful. He had transformed my work into a prayer, and that time in my life felt like a renewing retreat from the fast pace of reality. For the first time I knew how it felt to have a personal relationship with Jesus. How could I have missed this for so long!?

God loves to keep us guessing. I arrive at a realization thinking I have it all figured out only to realize that I'm making claims on the whole puzzle while only holding one piece. God continues to surprise me, keeping me on my toes and making certain my heart is focused on Him. This has been the case in my present life as the future stands right in front of me in all of its uncertainty. Now more than ever, God is calling me to trust Him, as He calls every single one of us everyday. It's hard to remember, but God knows us all better than we know ourselves, and He loves us better than we love ourselves. So why do we feel anxiety or fear creeping into the back of our minds when we have a God who wants and wills the best of the best for us?

I just need to tell this to my own heart. Courage, trust, faith, dear heart! Real life is scary. But somehow I think that means I'm doing it right. And above all, it's important to remember that God is faithful, and His love and mercy are infinite even if we cannot see it with our humanly vision. We can trust in Him and all of His surprises.

Jesus,  I trust in you!

verso l'alto

“It is Jesus in fact that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provokes you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.”

—St. John Paul II

football and human connectivity

yesterday was gameday in most college towns across the country. the establishment of football always amazes me. It's been part of my life since my days of cheering for LSU as a child, and now continues on as I support my Clemson tigers in my last season as a student. Even though it's been a factor in my life for so long now, I can't help but feel silly cheering for football games. Football amazes me because I can't seem to understand how such an event could be such a big deal (I have kin that would disown me if they knew I was writing this post). It's fun, but it's quite crazy when you start to think about it. 

The best part of football season is the human connection it brings. Where else could you find a whole community stopping everything they are doing to sit around, drink a brew, wear the same color, and enjoy each other's company for the whole day. It's a strange yet wonderful setting of community that isn't reproduced in any other situation. Growing up tailgating almost every weekend of every fall it's easy to forget the magic in the scenario. When you step back and question things, that's when you start to get a better understanding.

happy sunday to you and yours!

on thinking about being a real person

 right now I'm stressing as a daunting new week begins. I'm at a time where I have a million and one things to do... (doesn't everybody? will it ever stop?) and I know exactly what I have to do, it's all just about finding the time and motivation to do it. The motivation part isn't as difficult, but I'm finding the time thing to be placing a major stress on my life right now. Before this past week I looked at a whole year left of college as a burden, now i'm seeing it more as wait...I need more time! So as I try to catch time and keep it forever, I can see that my efforts are hopeless. 

How do you realize who you are? How do you know who you want to be, what you want to do? What can you do with your time that's important?

I know that these are not answers that will come immediately at first. I'm sure it'll take exploration and after some time in hot pursuit, i think it'll just hit me. I imagine it to be like any design concept process. When first greeted with a project, I spend a day or two thinking... Writing, taking long walks, doodling, pursuing the idea full forced.  Then after I've fully immersed myself in the process, it just hits me and I think dang it's been sitting there all along just waiting to be realized. I had all the pieces, they just were scattered around begging to be put together. That's me now, fully pursuing my purpose in life. Actively and wholeheartedly pursuing because I fully believe that the answer will come through living.


happy day dearest readers, hope your week is filled with good vibes

getting back

dearest readers,
I am writing this post from studio right now, and I can hear the rain hitting the roof. It's quite delightful and for once I might be enjoying my time in studio. I hope it continues to rain, it's such a soothing sound to hear...

I've found that I feel jaded lately. there's so many things out there, all saying so many different things or often the same thing in so many different ways. So many influences coming at every direction, and I feel like I should retreat into the woods so I can start to think for myself again.

studio is my woods, the quiet rain is encouraging my creativity

poem #44

This morning came too early

still good for me the same

I had to look this in the eye

stop giving out the blame

the clothes went in the washer

the toilet got a scrub

the dishes were so dirty

the house needed some love

forever on the paper

i found my weakness shy

bold in it's excuse to leave

slow to give a reason why

the wind takes it away

it doesn't care if you fall

no matter what you do

ultimately time consumes us all

bringing in senior year with a camping trip

There is a certain sadness that comes with the excitement of each new transition. As I start my senior year of college, I feel undoubtedly confident that I am exactly where I need to be. I'm excited to be where I am in life. I can start looking forward to the next move, but I don't quite have to make it just yet. I still have one year to soak up Clemson. To do the things that I haven't made time for in the past. 

The first week up here two of my dear friends came and stayed with me, and we decided to go camping with another clemmy friend. We camped in Black Balsum in Pisgah, NC (outside of brevard). The colors up there were amazing. We decided very last minute to go for the camping trip, and everything about it was haphazard. However, there was no doubt we were meant to be there right then. Everything kept happening just right. We forgot wood and then a random photographer happened to have a few loads of it in the back of his pickup. Just as we started using the last bits of our surprise wood a few other campers came up and asked if they could pitch in with our fire so they wouldn't have to build their own. Then as the night fell our new friends told us that it was a super moon and a meteor shower. I wish my camera could have captured that moon. It started off blood red and then slowly changed colors until it was bright white and huge in the sea of stars. Besides being super cold up there, it was amazing. Everything felt so alive.

Overheard in Art Class

"Ms. Kat... how are you 21 and not married... do you even have a boyfriend" ok wait come on guys

"I fell off a horse at pony camp once" I can tell

{talking about the male volunteer, Kyle} "Ms. Kat is that your husband?" should I just go ahead and say yes to avoid this conversation again..

"Jesus had long hair?? He looks like a girl" ...at least they are talking about good things like Jesus?

"The Indians believed in an afterlife where all the good people went and partied with Jesus or something" where do these kids go to church on sunday, and can I join?

"Ms. Kat where are your boobs?" whoa whoa... excuse me?

"All my mom does at work is look at pictures on the computer" if only life was as children see it

"Ella gets to go home with you every night, Ms Kat?? Do yall do art class at night too?" mind boggling

"Ms. Kat, can you come home with me?" thanks for the invite, but my mommy wants me home too (really tho..)

"I didn't know about Jessica Simpson until I went to the mall" this was a boy too..

kid 1: "Do you like tacos?" kid 2: "My dad's ex-girlfriend is from Mexico"

"I heard they serve hamburgers everyday in prison" wait... how do you know this

kids really do say the darndest things.. I'm sad that this week is my last week teaching these precious kiddos. It's really been one heck of a summer. Who knew it would be so fun. I am beyond grateful for this time