verso l'alto

“It is Jesus in fact that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provokes you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.”

—St. John Paul II

football and human connectivity

yesterday was gameday in most college towns across the country. the establishment of football always amazes me. It's been part of my life since my days of cheering for LSU as a child, and now continues on as I support my Clemson tigers in my last season as a student. Even though it's been a factor in my life for so long now, I can't help but feel silly cheering for football games. Football amazes me because I can't seem to understand how such an event could be such a big deal (I have kin that would disown me if they knew I was writing this post). It's fun, but it's quite crazy when you start to think about it. 

The best part of football season is the human connection it brings. Where else could you find a whole community stopping everything they are doing to sit around, drink a brew, wear the same color, and enjoy each other's company for the whole day. It's a strange yet wonderful setting of community that isn't reproduced in any other situation. Growing up tailgating almost every weekend of every fall it's easy to forget the magic in the scenario. When you step back and question things, that's when you start to get a better understanding.

happy sunday to you and yours!

on thinking about being a real person

 right now I'm stressing as a daunting new week begins. I'm at a time where I have a million and one things to do... (doesn't everybody? will it ever stop?) and I know exactly what I have to do, it's all just about finding the time and motivation to do it. The motivation part isn't as difficult, but I'm finding the time thing to be placing a major stress on my life right now. Before this past week I looked at a whole year left of college as a burden, now i'm seeing it more as wait...I need more time! So as I try to catch time and keep it forever, I can see that my efforts are hopeless. 

How do you realize who you are? How do you know who you want to be, what you want to do? What can you do with your time that's important?

I know that these are not answers that will come immediately at first. I'm sure it'll take exploration and after some time in hot pursuit, i think it'll just hit me. I imagine it to be like any design concept process. When first greeted with a project, I spend a day or two thinking... Writing, taking long walks, doodling, pursuing the idea full forced.  Then after I've fully immersed myself in the process, it just hits me and I think dang it's been sitting there all along just waiting to be realized. I had all the pieces, they just were scattered around begging to be put together. That's me now, fully pursuing my purpose in life. Actively and wholeheartedly pursuing because I fully believe that the answer will come through living.


happy day dearest readers, hope your week is filled with good vibes

getting back

dearest readers,
I am writing this post from studio right now, and I can hear the rain hitting the roof. It's quite delightful and for once I might be enjoying my time in studio. I hope it continues to rain, it's such a soothing sound to hear...

I've found that I feel jaded lately. there's so many things out there, all saying so many different things or often the same thing in so many different ways. So many influences coming at every direction, and I feel like I should retreat into the woods so I can start to think for myself again.

studio is my woods, the quiet rain is encouraging my creativity

poem #44

This morning came too early

still good for me the same

I had to look this in the eye

stop giving out the blame

the clothes went in the washer

the toilet got a scrub

the dishes were so dirty

the house needed some love

forever on the paper

i found my weakness shy

bold in it's excuse to leave

slow to give a reason why

the wind takes it away

it doesn't care if you fall

no matter what you do

ultimately time consumes us all

bringing in senior year with a camping trip

There is a certain sadness that comes with the excitement of each new transition. As I start my senior year of college, I feel undoubtedly confident that I am exactly where I need to be. I'm excited to be where I am in life. I can start looking forward to the next move, but I don't quite have to make it just yet. I still have one year to soak up Clemson. To do the things that I haven't made time for in the past. 

The first week up here two of my dear friends came and stayed with me, and we decided to go camping with another clemmy friend. We camped in Black Balsum in Pisgah, NC (outside of brevard). The colors up there were amazing. We decided very last minute to go for the camping trip, and everything about it was haphazard. However, there was no doubt we were meant to be there right then. Everything kept happening just right. We forgot wood and then a random photographer happened to have a few loads of it in the back of his pickup. Just as we started using the last bits of our surprise wood a few other campers came up and asked if they could pitch in with our fire so they wouldn't have to build their own. Then as the night fell our new friends told us that it was a super moon and a meteor shower. I wish my camera could have captured that moon. It started off blood red and then slowly changed colors until it was bright white and huge in the sea of stars. Besides being super cold up there, it was amazing. Everything felt so alive.

Overheard in Art Class

"Ms. Kat... how are you 21 and not married... do you even have a boyfriend" ok wait come on guys

"I fell off a horse at pony camp once" I can tell

{talking about the male volunteer, Kyle} "Ms. Kat is that your husband?" should I just go ahead and say yes to avoid this conversation again..

"Jesus had long hair?? He looks like a girl" ...at least they are talking about good things like Jesus?

"The Indians believed in an afterlife where all the good people went and partied with Jesus or something" where do these kids go to church on sunday, and can I join?

"Ms. Kat where are your boobs?" whoa whoa... excuse me?

"All my mom does at work is look at pictures on the computer" if only life was as children see it

"Ella gets to go home with you every night, Ms Kat?? Do yall do art class at night too?" mind boggling

"Ms. Kat, can you come home with me?" thanks for the invite, but my mommy wants me home too (really tho..)

"I didn't know about Jessica Simpson until I went to the mall" this was a boy too..

kid 1: "Do you like tacos?" kid 2: "My dad's ex-girlfriend is from Mexico"

"I heard they serve hamburgers everyday in prison" wait... how do you know this

kids really do say the darndest things.. I'm sad that this week is my last week teaching these precious kiddos. It's really been one heck of a summer. Who knew it would be so fun. I am beyond grateful for this time

Monday blues

lookin in the mirror bein' like DANG it's monday morning // maybe that's not exactly what picasso meant..

Running is hard. In running we willingly bring about our own physical suffering. No matter how much we run and get into shape, it will always be difficult. Maybe it's not as difficult as when we first started, but every time we improve, we push ourselves just a little harder, make ourselves go a little faster. Therefore running will always challenge us. Each day is new. Today doesn't care what you did yesterday, or what you'll do tomorrow. It's simple but I forget it all the time: all you have is this day. 

You know what else is hard? Flossing. and making beds. and blogging. and cooking. and going to work each day. and doing all of the other daily tasks that come with living. I don't mind doing any of those pesky tasks once, but why must I continue to do them every day? I flossed yesterday, must I really do it again today? Now dear readers you're probably wondering where I'm going with all this complaining, but it's all connected. I'll let you in on the deep conversation I've been having with myself these days... it all comes down to one thought:

In this world we have to keep swimming because if you're just floating, you're sinking. 

I've found that this applies to almost everything. Once you till a garden, you have to plant the good seeds and then continue to weed so that your plants can grow. Speaking from experience, the weeds like the newly tilled dirt just as much as the plants that were intended for the garden. 

Yet... The laziness of summer permeates through every pore of my being, and it's easy to convince myself that I deserve to not do anything. As humans we long for comfort, and it's easy to confuse comfort with happiness. Happiness seldom comes from comfort, but more often sneaks up on us in our hard work. from doing the things we don't want to do like flossing or making our beds in the morning. from pushing out of our comfort zone (see study abroad post...). Imagine how much joy could be had if only we found joy in those miserable tasks that actually end up being not that big of a deal at all. If we see each moment of hard work, of doing those things we don't want to do, for what they were (as opportunities for genuine happiness) maybe people would be excited for cleaning toilets and jury duty. 

The good news is that the more good things we do, the easier it is to do more good things. The more I run, the more i keep up with my prayer life. The more I keep on top of my lesson plans, the more I keep my room clean. The more I floss, the more I read the bible. It's still not easy, but objects in motion stay in motion, right? And often I've found that the easy answer is almost always the wrong one. 

The opposite is also true: the more bad things we do, the easier it is to do more bad things. Laziness is like a leeway drug. You start with just one area of your life and then you turn around and that small piece of snow has turned into a full blown avalanche. 

in conclusion.. yes, running sucks, but endorphin's are great // finding joy in the everyday is hard, but it can be done // it's monday morning and I could make a terrible joke about needing to steal my sister's adderall (1. she's prescribed 2. I'm only joking, mom)

 Happy Monday, dear readers! 

you are loved my friend

I often find myself struggling to give and receive love. Maybe i'm too hard on myself, but I leave certain or most encounters feeling as though I didn't properly convey just how much they matter, just how important they are to me or otherwise. Maybe some situations don't require such reassurances (and I'm only overthinking... par for the course). Sure it's easy on a blog to write about how much people mean to me and how much they matter, but if we don't share love human to human then what does it really matter anyway? Maya Angelou once said that people may not remember all the things you said or did, but they will always remember how you make them feel. In a community sense, we bring light into our friends and families lives. I might have a dark living room while someone else has a dark kitchen, we all need light differently, yet still we all need it. 

In this day and age when technology is at it's height (I know I know.. I'm not trying to get on another rant.. I promise) it's easy to try to smother people with assuring, loving texts and calls and shout outs on insta. But we can't forget about the people we encounter in our day-to-day lives. The ones that are there, in person, standing in front of our own eyes seeking love. This week let's sacrifice our own good to go out of our way to remind people that they are loved. If we can't find Christ in our neighbors I'm afraid we might have trouble finding Him anywhere else.

Everyone deserves Love.

happiest week ahead to you and yours

thoughts on delayed gratification

There's obviously a whole lot I could write about this subject. Maybe about how our culture insists on immediate gratification, or how we can't live if we don't get what we want RIGHT. NOW. Obviously this is a huge problem for my generation and all the generations to come since everything we could ever want is at our fingertips. It's no wonder we find ourselves hopeless, wondering if this is it, and lost in an discontent world. It's such an oxymoron really, you'd think that by gratifying yourself you'd be happier. In the end, you did get what you wanted didn't you? Maybe you wanted that chocolate bar, the latest and greatest gadget, or maybe you wanted another person. Why do we still feel empty, sad.. .incomplete? Why didn't that thing that we thought would fill us up leave us wanting more? It's all the same, it's fleeting. Life is in the journey, not the destination.

On the flip side of the coin, delaying gratification can be a bad thing. This happens when we put off those big things that stay on our to do list. Currently, mine is an article that I've been dragging my feet to write, lesson plans for next week's classes, and mind-boggling website coding. The things we reeeeeallly just don't want to do. Things that bring us misery until they are done, but provide immediate relief once they are. Eventually we will get them done, but for now they will hang over our heads, tormenting our mental health and blemishing our neat and tidy "to do" list.  If only we just got it done, it couldn't harm us anymore.

So we do the things we want right now and leave the things we should do for later. We delay our gratification for difficult tasks, but fail to do so otherwise. Why do we have it so wrong?

As many people have said before me, tackling the big hard scary things and then delaying our rewards for later bring much more happiness. It completely baffles me how each and every one of us can be so blind. We don't realize the simplest things like the key to our own happiness and success. all the answers are out there clear as day, we just have to seek them, to trust them, to see with child-like eyes. every problem has it's answer, and I've found the more I focus on God the more clearly I can see. In the end, the things we long for and the things we delay gratification for (or don't delay for) are only things. We can't seek salvation in a cookie. The cookie is only there for our immediate enjoyment. When we put disproportionate honor into small things, these small things can take over our lives and control us. Yes, change is hard, but it's not impossible. Sure that cookie is delicious and might fill you up for an hour or two, but the "cookie" you envied the adults for receiving in mass as a child fills you up for all of eternity.